I sit and ponder

Can't help myself sitting and thinking all the time.

Can someone please tell me what's the bloody point of this whole life ?


We humans are so insignificant in the whole scheme of things that nothing that we do now can ever channge anything on a grand scale. Our only possible significant contribution is towards the humanity itself. and how puny we are can be judged by the fact that we don't even have a freaking clue as how to control the elements of nature. We are so susceptible as a race that it amazes me sometimes !!! Suppose a 20 square Kms meteorite come rushing at us, what the hell can we do ? Blasting it with Nuclear bomb maf friends ? Only in movies my friend ...only in movies...

And when it comes to each of our contribution to humantity, a logical question to ask would be:

" why the hell should I care to contribute?"

Of course, that is an intelligent question to ask for certain !!!

When I know for a fact that I was born alone and would die alone, with an average human life expectancy of roughly 80 years ...Mortality and thus our frailty was imprinted on us the day we were born..

Nothing I can possibly do should be of much significance ..right ?

Wrong !!!!!!

We are the way we are - Families, friends, culture, sub-races for a definite reason. The reason is simple - To make life more predictable and thus it follows - more secure.



We humans love predictability !!!!!!!!!! I can't stress this fact enough:

• Whether we "do" a job to earn a monthly income that pays our bills on time or

• Whether we "indulge"(I love this word when it is in the same sentence as the word marriage) in marriage to satisfy our emotional and physical "needs"
  
• We have babies so that we it helps continue our genes going into the future (everyone loves his/her own genes for sure...No one would want his/her wife to copulate with Richard Gere or Shah Rukh Khan for that matter !!!..even if they have the looks as well as the brains ..am I correct ???)
  

On a lighter note - If suppose married couple had a reminder set in the body clock to have sex everyday at 7:00 AM in the morning . How much fun it would be ...right !

Predictability in having sex too- I am sure humans would love that !!!

If we hadn't shared our loved for predictability - we wouldn't have survived till now.

To explain that point a bit more: probably 40 - 50 thousand years back or maybe even earlier, we humans were surely able to classify animals, birds , insects according to their threat perception to us. or else we wouldn't have survived till now right ?

Pig ? Good to eat !!! A nice meal for sure....
Tiger ? Good to run ! or a nice meal we would become....
Chicken ? Great to eat and easy to catch !!! Win-win for a meal....
Snake ? slithery, poisonous, a painful death, the creature even looks as if its intentions were harmful from the day it was born.......you either stand frozen or you run for ur life !!!

Of course, I am not sure whether humans had a good sense of humour back then but u get the picture.

So after asking myself, I come to the conclusion that:

• I dislike predictability but wouldn't want to live the life of a nomad and hunter;
  

• I always end up taking a middle path to two extreme view points. I, predictably, have the very bad habit of not antagonizing anyone even to the point of getting hurt in the process..
  

• Think that the only reason I am wanting myself to live till this moment was to see each member of my family smile ...

then am i being really stupid ???

• Running after material wealth makes no sense for me - I know now for certain that it's an race with no end. I am earning 6 times more than when I started out in life 7 years back and yet I hardly have any money in the bank to talk about. I am covered by insurance to the hilt and yet think that there is no point at all if I am not going to be around (insurance is quite a farce actually. I think it makes more sense if Insurance cover is carried forward from one life to the after life and there on ....till I get the chance to live in heaven's as a permanent resident)

• Wanting to fall in love makes no sense to me. Being emotionally dependent on someone is a bone-chilling thought, to put it mildly. Expectations from others has always left me disappointed in one way or the other. Over and above that, I hate myself when I am depressed. And I know (now) that blaming others is taking the easy way out which 99% of the people out there do. It no wonder that we humans are the biggest underachievers this universe has ever seen. Several thousand years have passed since the Egyptian built the Great Pyramids and yet we haven't set foot on Mars - Forget Pluto, Titan or Venus for that matter. Thinking about reaching to our nearest star - Proxima Centauri would, by current space technology - should take ten thousand years, if not more..
  

So, I reason out with myself that the only possible reason that I continue to live till now are:

To watch my family happy to see me grow ?

Its strange no ! While 99% of all guys and gals in and around my age-group are so eager to have their own "independence",

To have their "own way of life" ,

to earn their "own living" and spending it on "themselves"

To come home as they god-damn "wish"....

and here I am loving it in our home and still feel that I couldn't be more happier than staying with my parents . I wouldn't be happier even with some of the restrictions that comes when one stays with parents of a conservative family.

Bloody Independence (and I am being very honest about it) !!!

Its such a farce actually !

there is nothing like complete independence !

I think the only complete independence one could possibly get would be to get thrown off to the cold outer space ......and, not surprisingly, we wouldn't even survive out there for a couple of seconds at the maximum !

This whole "civilization/living" jing-bang is actually a convolution of interdependencies and "living-off-each-other" at the end of the day ! Without our symbiotic dependencies, we could hardly survive for more than a few days on this earth alone.

Just think about it: We go to potty in the morning and some germs are dependent on that too for survival in the potty pan ! Germs and bacteria in our stomachs survive on the food we eat everyday.

So at the very end of it - other than watching my parents see me grow and having a grandson or daughter that would bring a smile to their faces ..is there are other reason I should survive ?

Oh well..u say ....Now that you would want your daughter / son to entertain your parents, and who would pray, in turn, be taking care of my little ones ? ME , OF COURSE !

Oh bloody !!!!

This interdependency is not of my choice, in the first place !!!!!!!

I would rather think that killing oneself is the most intelligent thing to do (also a view that Osho shared as well).

Thank god that babies are born into this world with a fresh and re-formatted memory ...If they retained their memory from their last life..I am sure that the first thing that it would surely do is to take a blade and slit its throats and wrists ! and smile its way to death !!!